


I love him but does he love me

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2186661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan loves Phil, Phil is unsure about Dan. Will they survive their transition from best friends to lovers. Phan</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated

I missed him.

He was rarely here. Always with his boyfriend, I hated him, despised him. He always smirked at me whenever I saw him. As if to say he won. Phil was here, finally. Why'd he slammed the door?

"Phil, what's wrong?" I asked.

"H-h-he cheated on me, after 6 months." He sobbed.

I was ready to go and kill the bastard but I had to stay calm, for him.

"He didn't deserve you, anyway." I said, running my hands through his hair.

He looked up and smiled.

"B-b-but after 6 months and guess who he was with?" He asked.

I braced myself for the worst.

"M-M-Matt." He stuttered. What! Matt our friend for over a year, who had seen them together and was aware that they were together.

The doorbell rang. It was George , surprise, surprise. Come to explain himself.

"He's in an awful state and will never take you back after you cheated on him with Matt." I spat and walked to my room. This was hardly my business.

I'd a crush on Phil for about a year, before he started dating George. He was still always flirting with me, it confused me. To see him so vulnerable shocked me. There must have been something more than that. He had these barriers up and rarely, if ever let them down like that. The shouting brought me back to reality, then the throwing of things, then the slammed door. I ran out to see Phil sobbing his heart out and broken glass everywhere. I picked up the glass and threw it in the bin and made Phil some hot coco.

"Phil, for you." I said. He looked up with his swollen eyes and tears running down his face.

"He had been cheating on me for 5 months, how could he? I trusted him. He said it to spite me, said he knew I saw him and Matt but he didn't care, he was better then me." He whispered as if the words physically hurt him.

"You deserve better then him, way better." Like me, but I didn't say that.

"You did tell me and I'm sorry I didn't listen." He said.

"Well I am always right, aren't I?" I joked. He smiled.

We just sat there, for what felt like ages. Me running my hands through his hair, he laying against me. It felt right.

"Phil you do realise it's Saturday." I pointed out realising that it was his live show day.

"Shit I'll just tweet I can't do it." He swore

I almost never heard him swear and he sounded weird but in a good way. He got up and I instantly missed his warmth. Look at me acting like a love sick teenager. I managed to get up and decided to make some food.

"PHIL WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT?" I asked.

"Jesus Dan no need to shout, should we order take-out? It's been a pretty hectic day." He asked walking down the stairs, eyes still slightly red.

"Sure."

After pizzas he fell asleep in my arms. I wish everyday would end like this


	2. chapter 2

I woke up with Phil still laying against me. I remembered yesterday and the empty pizza boxes were still on the table. I had no desire to get up anytime soon. I felt him stir and closed my eyes pretending to be asleep.

"Daaannn I know your awake." Phil said.

"Mhmmhm let me sleep." I mumbled, "I don't need to get up, what time is it?"

"It's just after twelve, and about yesterday" he started.

"Don't worry about it, I wish you'd stop putting these barriers up." I cut him off before he said anything else.

He blushed and looked down.

"I know you've been hurt before but I'd wish you would tell me what is going on in that head of yours." I tapped his forehead.

I caught him of guard because he just stared into space and seemed deep in thought.

"Penny for your thought." I whispered.

"A penny, is that all they're worth?" He laughed. "As comfortable as I am, I have things to do, people to see."

He rolled over and we landed on a heap on the floor. He then got up and walked to his room, I swear I saw him blushing. Well I had no need to change out of my PJs and wasn't going to anyway. I lay there and mulled over yesterday I hadn't properly registered, every time I saw his hurt face my heart ached. My phone bleeped and I finally got up to read the message. Nothing interesting, PJ asking me if we were free in the afternoon I'd have to ask Phil. I checked twitter and there was a literal shit storm, great what a way to start the day. Hmm George had just announced his break up with Phil and I had an urge to tell everyone that he'd cheated but I wouldn't do that to Phil, however if he wanted to I had no issues with that. I heard Phil open the door.

"Phil, are you free Peej has asked if we wanted to go out for a meal with Chris , we've not had one for ages." I asked.

"Sure." He replied

"Have you checked your twitter feed yet?" I asked. He shook his head and wandered off somewhere. He seemed off lately I know he had just been cheated on but he seemed off and I couldn't put my finger on it, like he was slowly drifting away and I hated that I couldn't do anything to prevent it. I guess time would tell.


	3. Chapter 3

Why did he just admit to cheating the phandom will rip him apart limb from limb, is he stupid?" Phil asked.

"Yes he is very stupid, you'll have to address this, sooner or later." I stated.

"Ugh why is it so hard and I tweeted back but I guess I'll have to make a video about it." Phil sighed.

I left him to his brooding and went into my own room.

I checked twitter and saw that Phil had replied to George. I wouldn't reply it was a lovers spat between them and only increase the Phan rumors, not that I wanted them to be just a rumor. I wasn't sure what he wanted and it'd break my heart to lose the intimate friendship we have. Phil was never one for expressing feelings, anyway. When he was sad/angry he'd lock himself in his room and I'd coax him out with the promise of hot chocolate. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't see him enter the room and sit down beside me.

"Daaannn why are you brooding?" He asked. I jumped not really noticing him sit next to me and quickly masked my face.

"I'm not brooding just thinking." I replied laughing. He shuffled up next to me and I could smell him: he smelt like cinnamon and strawberries, completely distracting me.

"Are you really sure Dan." He whispered into my ear making me shiver. He then got up and left.

What the hell had just happened. I wanted this more than ever but why was he playing me like that? He probably didn't realise what he was doing. He was just being friendly and I took it the wrong way. He'd just had a breakup for Christ sake. I was stupid thinking of him like that. But he did want me he said just before he met George.

Flashback

"Dan." Phil said. "I've something to say, I think I love you." Phil said. I was awe-struck. I wanted him and he was confessing his love for me.

"I love you too, Phil." I whispered reaching for him. He then ran out of the living room and I heard the door slam. It wasn't 'till yesterday that I saw him and he told me he had a boyfriend.

I remember breaking down completely when he introduced me to George. He loved me. That what he said. Did he still have some of them feelings. I hoped he did. But I wasn't going to do anything apart from wait and see what happened. He broke me, left me. I don't think he realised what he actually did. But the fans did but that was in the past. My feelings were still as strong if not stronger, were his?


	4. Chapter 4

I lay on my bed "brooding" and flicking through tumblr. It seemed that it had kinda gone crazy and people were ripping George limb from limb. I really didn't care he deserved it. Phil rarely checked tumblr stating it was too creepy for him. The rest of the afternoon passed like this, I had a serious case of heart-ache, I didn't want to meet Peej he would know something was seriously up and I had no energy for that, but if I didn't he'd know something was up. Ugh why was life so hard especially where Phil was concerned. I forced myself to get up and changed.I then went into the living room and waited for Peej to arrive ignoring Phil who just smirked at me. Was he actually trying to kill me. He walked up to me and sat down next to me. I stared into his sparkling green eyes that looked like the sea.

"Dan, I want you." He whispered, looking straight at me. His intense stare sent shivers down my back. I looked at him uncertainly, expecting him to laugh and think of it as a joke.

"No you do NOT. I am simply a re-bound after what happened with George. Do NOT try that with me Phil. I-I-I can't do that to myself. Not after last time. I promised myself." I screamed, breaking the silence in the room.

"Dan I am so sorry about last time, but I swear it will not happen again, I promise." He looked at me, his eyes filled with hope and I wanted to just to melt in his arms and forget about anything else.

"Listen to me clearly Phil, I loved you, loved. You were the one who ran away and went with George, look how that turned out," I laughed hiding my hurt. "Phil I will never, ever love you." I sobbed, running to my room and slammed the door shut. I then threw myself on the bed and began to sob not caring how load I was.

PHIL POV

I hurt him. Beyond repair. He hates me. I hate me too. I texted Peej that we wouldn't come. No doubt he'd figure something was up, he was observant like that. Dan mattered more than anything at this moment in time. I'd make it up to him. I knocked on his door.

"Dan, it's me Phil." I softly said.

"Well who else is it going to be?" He muttered.

I opened the door to see him lying on the bed and he looked at me. His eyes were red and his hair was sticking up.

"Dan I know I've been stupid. I shouldn't have done half the things I did but I love you. You are not a re-bound, you are worth more then that. I love the way you blush when I catch you staring at me, I love the way your hair always sticks up in the morning, I love the way I can read you like an open book, I love the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh, I love the way you dress even if you look like a rebellious teenager most of the time, I love the way you always know what to do when I'm feeling down, I love the way you put others before yourself. I do love you Daniel James Howell, I just was too much of an idiot not to realise." I said, looking into his eyes. He looked up at me his chocolate brown eyes filled with tears and leaned against me, I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding.

"I-I-I'm sorry for breaking down like that, I just..." He broke off his sentence and began to sob, I then reailsed how stressed he was; the radio show, his videos that he wan't uploading was taking a toll on him but he didn't want anyone to know.

I let him sob into my shirt and whispered soothing words, that was what he needed, someone to rely on, to realise how much he was hurting and I promised myself I would never walk away from him again.


	5. Chapter 5

DAN POV

I sobbed into his T-shirt completely staining it. I gradually stopped and he turned my head so his eyes met mine.

"Listen to me Dan, I meant every single word I said. You will not hide your pain, please it hurts that you don't trust me even though we've known each other for ages but I promise I will be there." He pleaded.

"I-I-I promise." I stuttered mesmerized by his eyes.

"I texted Peej and he knows we're not coming and I've no doubt he will ask about what happened." Phil said, looking away.

"Dan I know I've been a giant arsehole but can you forgive me, I will understand if you don't..." He waffled on. I kissed him breaking of his words, he looked shocked but kissed back.

"Course Phil, everyone makes mistakes and plus I love you too much to let you go" I mumbled, his eyes lit up and he began to smile. Shit, I didn't mean to say that.

"I am going to make food," He then skipped out of my room. What was he on.

"PHIL PLEASE DO NOT BURN THE FLAT DOWN." I shouted. I heard him laugh, things were back to normal.

I went downstairs hoping the kitchen was still in one piece, I normally cooked because when Phil did things went wrong. I walked into the kitchen and there was smoke everywhere and the windows were open, I rolled my eyes.

"Phil what did you do?" I asked, laughing.

"Well I kinda set a tea towel on fire..." He said, guilty.

"See this is why I cook, not you, takeout?" I asked. He nodded, I went to order pizzas it seemed like all we were eating. I went upstairs to look for my phone and order.

When I'd finally ordered I went downstairs and Peej was there, I sighed I could do without for a while. I said hello to him and told Phil the pizzas would be coming in an hour and tried to sneak put but it didn't go undetected as Peej followed me and cornered me.

"Erm hi, I was just going upstairs." I said.

"Dan, don't give me that shit, what is actually happening between you and Phil?" He asked, I sighed.

"Nothing, why'd you ask?" I lied.

"Dan I know there is something up, Phil looked very shifty and now you are lying, yes I can tell." He said looking straight at me. Jesus what was up,was it interrogate Dan day


	6. Chapter 6

I told Peej what had happened and he laughed.

"I'm surprised it took you this long, to be honest. You should actually talk to each other instead of ignoring the fact that you are drawn to each other and Phil does feel the same way about you." He said. "Dan it's not going to go away so talk to him, you'd be susprised at what he'd say." He winked and walked into the sitting room. I sighed. I really did have to tell him how I felt, it would hurt if he didn't feel the same way but I need to know.

I went back to the sitting room and Peej waved goodbye I waited untill the door shut and turned towards Phil.

"I need to know that you're not playing me, I need to know so many things Phil. You've hurt me in so many ways but I feel the same about you as I did when I first met you, I still feel butterflies when you laugh or look at me with desire. I want you Phil, but I don't know if you want me." I whispered looking everywhere except him. I couldn't bare if he rejected me.

"Dan, look at me." He said. I turned my head and looked him in the eyes.

"I love you, I really do, I was an idiot, I didn't understand what I felt and I was scared. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you more than anything." He whispered, he lent towards me and pressed his lips against mine, his hands tangled in my hair and he kissed me. I closed my eyes, it felt right, I wanted it to be like this for so long. Phil broke the kiss and grinned.

"I love you Dan, I've just been too much of a dick to realise it." He said. The doorbell rang.

"Pizzzzaaa." Phil jumped up to answer the door and returned with a box of pizzas. I went to get some plates and smiled. I walked back to the living room and sat on the sofa.

"Dan, you do know I really do love you." He said.

"And I love you." I said.

"Phil you do realise we are going to need to cook tomorrow, we've had pizza two days in a row." I pointed out.

"Dan, you're such a health fanatic, but yes I feel like we do need to cook something, maybe we could make it into a video, it's been ages since we made a colab and the Phangirls are missing it." He chuckled

"I am not, and that is a pretty good idea." I pondered over what we could make,

"Phil you do realise your culinary skills are abysmal." I commented

"They're not that bad." He whined.

"Phil you burnt a tea-towel, I think that's as bad as you get," I laughed.

"You see that is why I have you, to cook for me." He said.

"Is that all I'm hear for?" I asked.

"No it isn't." He whispered into my ear, giving me goosebumps. He kissed me, harder than before. I moaned into his mouth, he broke the kiss of and began to suck and kiss my neck. I gasped and pulled on his hair, his kisses sent tingles down my spine. He broke this kiss of and left me panting.

"Tease" I mumbled. He smirked and caressed my back I gasped feeling electric shocks where he had touched me. I blushed, I was not a hormonal teenager, I was an adult.

"Goodnight Dan" Phil giggled, winked and sauntered off, leaving me sat there. I got up and walked to my room, I fell asleep with a smile on my face


	7. Chapter 7

"DAN WAKE UP, IT'S MORNING." Phil shouted, jumping on my bed. I hid under the covers.

"Phil it's too early." I mumbled.

"It's cold." I whined.

"Daaaaaan you need to get up, we're filming today and it's not early it's 11, it's not my fault you're lazy ." Phil laughed.

"I'm not lazy, I just like sleeping and it's cold." I said, curling into a ball.

"Yes you are and you need to get up." Phil said, he then sat down on the bed.

"Too early." I murmured.

"Dan, we have to shoot and get this edited by tomorrow and you have a mark on your neck from yesterday." Phil smirked. I shot out of bed and ran towards the mirror. Shit this would only add fuel to the fire. I checked and I had a few hickeys, great.

"Phil, how the fuck am I meant to cover this." I said, looking closer at the red marks.

"I have no idea Dan why would you want to cover them up?" Phil purred into my ear. I shivered.

"B-because it is only going to provoke them." I stuttered. Phil nibbled on my earlobe and ran his hands up and down my back.

"And why wouldn't we want to do that?" Phil softly said, his hands still running down my back. He nibbled my neck making me moan softly.

"Stop, Phil, if we're filming today we can't." I panted trying to push him off me. He moved off me.

"Aw Dan you're no fun, anyways we are filming today so get ready." He winked at me and sauntered off. I shook my head, what was with his today, filming would be fun. I got dressed and headed downstairs.


	8. chapter 8

put one of Phil's T-shirts on and black jeans. It was a change from the drastic clothes I had worn before but it was a good change plus it was too hot to wear leather. I went downstairs and into the kitchen. I saw Phil trying to use the hob and failing horribly. I sniggered at him and turned it on.

"Seriously Phil you don't know how to use a hob?" I asked, cracking eggs into a bowl.

"That is why I have you." Phil snickered.

"I'm just here to cook for you and here was I thinking you loved me." I said feigning hurt.

"Dan, I do love you. Not just for your cooking-though that is a reason." Phil assured.

"I do have superbly amazing talents in the kitchen." I said, whisking the batter. I managed to make the pancakes without any hassle from Phil but he was constantly touching me. Not that I minded it was nice to have the passing touches. We sat down in front of the T.V I cuddled up against Phil and I asked Phil what we were going to shoot.

"Hmm I don't know, maybe a Phil is not on fire?" He questioned, drawing circles on my arm; giving me goose bumps.

"We posted one not too long ago." I said, quickly losing interest in the T.V.

"But it would be nice to make another; I don't think anyone would complain. " Phil purred I felt his breath on my check.

"N-n-no I don't think they would." I stuttered as Phil began to kiss my neck. I moaned softly and he laughed. He kissed me softly and he tasted of chocolate and maple syrup. We came up for air and I looked into his sea blue eyes filled with love and an emotion I couldn't decipher.

"You do realise you have another hickey on your neck and it looks pretty bad." Phil smirked.

"Phil you twat stop molesting me, you cannot literally keep your hands of me for more than a minute." I complained.

"It's not my fault you look so fuckable all the time." Phil laughed, dodging a pillow that I threw at him.

"And they say you're the innocent." I exclaimed. It was fairly funny. Phil was always acting innocent for the camera yet here he was saying things that made me want to blush. How amusing.

"Alas if we told them the truth people may have had heart attacks and we don't want that do we?" Phil stated stifling giggles.

"Touché, are we going to film today or?" I asked. Knowing Phil and me we would probably procrastinate until we had to do it. The radio show had been cancelled because they were doing an exclusive with Ed Sheeran to promote his album.

"It's already Tuesday so we should get filming." Phil said threading his hands through my hair, it was comforting.

"Really?" I was shocked, it had been three days since Phil was cheated on, it seemed like a few hours ago. Guess time did fly when you were spending time with the one you loved.

"Yep it is, live show day." He said. I groaned it wasn't that I didn't like them, I loved them. Interacting with fans and seeing what kinda shit went down. It was why I tracked my tag on tumblr.

"Why is it so warm in the flat?" I enquired. It wasn't this warm normally, I was practically melting.

"I may have accidently set it to 27 instead of 19." Phil pointed out looking guilty as he went to check the thermostat.

"No wonder." I said shaking my head this wasn't unusual; Phil was always messing things up. He had stepped on the Wi-Fi box once. He was just hopelessly clumsy. It was why he didn't cook; he managed to create a massive mess. We watched the new episode of Doctor Who, ate and then it was time to do my live show.

"Live show time, have a nice time." Phil smirked. He wondered off to do god knows what. I got my laptop this was going to be fun.

PLDHPLDH

It was going pretty well, I managed to avoid any "personal" stuff that would most likely cause a shit storm. They did see a change in me, apparently I was happier. I guess it was true, I was the happiest I had ever been. It was getting pretty late I said my goodbyes and logged off. I then logged on to Tumblr; I did have a Phandom blog, it was always better to be a step ahead with these things. They had come to the correct conclusion it didn't surprise me, the phandom as a general was just too observant. I wonder what they would when we came out. It wasn't going to be for a long time 'till we were "serious." I got changed and fell asleep, it had been a long day.


	9. Chapter 9

"I dare you to send a tweet briefly speculating that you and Phil are together." Harry smirked, his green eyes lighting up. Phil tightened his grip on my hand and I sighed. It wasn't that I was ashamed of me and Phil but some of the reactions weren't going to be pretty. But I didn't want Phil to think that I wasn't serious and we had been living together for ages and many of them had speculated. The tweet didn't have to go into detail.

"Alright, I will. But I am so getting you back." I replied. Phil looked at me questioningly.

"Phil I am not ashamed of you love, I want them to know we are together and I expect a video following this up will be good." I said, looking into his eyes. He smiled and visibly relaxed. I tweeted something I knew was going to cause a shitstorm and I would have people coming at me with flaming pitchforks.

"This is going to be anyway you're going away on Friday it leaves you with only a day to see the affects." PJ commented.

"Are we going to Vidcon from Paris?" I asked Phil, he nodded. The meetup would be fun. We played for another hour until Phil was only in his boxers, Harry had blue hair, PJ had pink hair and I was scarred for life.

"It's getting late, you could sleep over." Harry said.

"Yes there is a bed free now isn't there?" I winked at PJ who blushed a beet red. We ordered Pizza, PJ was weird and like pineapple on his so he had a pizza to himself.

"How can you eat that?" Phil said disgusted.

"It's nice, my dad's Italian so I know what a good pizza is." PJ said, Phil just shook his head.

"I like your hair PJ. Reminds me of cotton candy." I said.

"I have a video to do tomorrow with hair like this." PJ glared at Phil.

"I think it looks cute." Harry said, toying with PJ's hair. We chatted for an hour and ate our pizza. We bid our good-nights and headed upstairs.

"Dan you didn't have to you know." Phil said cuddling up to me.

"But I wanted to. And we are going to make a video, I don't give two fucks what anyone thinks. I think most of the fans will be throwing parties,. but we will get hate from dickheads, but it's okay 'cos our fanbase will run after them with flaming pitchforks." I said, Phil kissed me, but this was sweet and filled with love. He broke the kiss off and stared into my eyes, his blue eyes were swirling with an emotion that I could despiser.

"Thank you, Dan. You have no idea what you mean to me and I couldn't survive a day without you." Phil murmured.

"I think I'm falling in love with you Daniel Howell." I heard Phil mutter. I smiled to myself and we fell asleep in each others arms.


End file.
